“Take a deep breath and let go”
Posted by Jordan Steele on October 30, 2009
Last month I went on a vacation to Virginia Beach, then for 4 days to the Outer banks of North Carolina. I had specific reasons to go, not only because I have not had a “real” vacation in a long time but there was closure to be made. My older brother who my family has been estranged from lives in Virginia Beach, well actually Willoughby Bay which is more Norfolk. We hadn’t seen him in 17 yrs he had to leave Indiana due to some horrible circumstances.
My mother is 66 and I took her along with 2 of my neighbors and we set out on our road trip. We arrived and met my brother, god he looked good, this was his first time seeing me as the woman I am today (he’s gay..so it was all good) Also met his lover of 17 yrs, great guy. This was close to my mothers birthday so my gift to her was not only taking her to a beach but reuniting her with her son. It was emotional. He didn’t find out that my father passed away in 03 until this year. he had critiques of my looks of course what “mo” wouldn’t (mo= homo) lol. I pass easily so not concerened everyone has an opinion as usual. But he is paying for my rhinoplasty since as a kid in Germany he was the one that broke my nose, that was a shocker that he offered! The good thing about that is I get to recover in his beach house! yay me!! Anyways back to my original topic.. I left to drive down south to the Outer banks, that had been my ideal destination since reading “Nights in Rodanthe” by my favorite author Nicholas Sparks. My god that is truly god’s country! I stayed in a small town called Avon on Hatteras island, breathtaking. I was 13 miles from Rodanthe. I sat on the beach reflecting on my life and almost fell prey to the should coulda woulda’s, Not sure why I did it but I went back to my beach house and sat for an hour jotting down on a piece of paper things that haunted me, that I felt guilt from (guilt is one costume you cannot hide). After I finished it. I then went back to the beach and walked out knee deep into the Atlantic ocean..god was it warm.
I took the paper crumpled it up as tight as I could in my fist and just threw it in the water, I took a breath and let go of all the things in my past that I know I cannot change, but it was cathartic..I felt free. So I took a deep breath and just let it go! Now I’m looking forward to my big family reunion this spring in Savannah Ga, seems funny since we are from Germany! I spent my last day at the house in Rodanthe, The movie or book does it no justice, I even took pics by it and sitting on it..Call me a wimp but I sat on the sand behind the house with my feet in the water and cried. I’m not sure if they were tears of joy or sadness..maybe one day I’ll figure it out!
Afroauthor said,
I am glad that your vacation became such a liberating and freeing experience. It is always a great thing to be able to free yourself from things in your past that are difficult to let go.
steve said,
It takes guts, courage and strength to do what you did. Very few could hurl the cross they bore into the ocean without feeling some uncertainty. What you did epitomizes “closure”.
I have a strange feeling that you have had courage and strength your whole life. Perhaps it got in your way at times, but I bet it’s saved you and preserved your sanity many others.
Like I said before, very few have traits like those you possess. It is a large part of what defines you, and it is what gives you such striking inner beauty.
PatrickLA said,
that’s a beautiful story. I had a brother die of AIDS back in 1993..he was 35. He was gay and I also have a younger brother(now 38) who is gay. As for me, I just have a thing for women like you. Not into guys at all. But my sis blames my mother for the gay part in my 2 brothers because that had 2 different and very straight fathers. Well sister hasn’t spoken to her mother in 22 years except a couple of weak attempts that ended with the word “bitch”. Anyway, we all have issues but Love will conquer all and hopefully you will reap the joy of being a loving caring person. Even towards that cyber-hacker who gave you the Trojan horse! As hard as that may be, everything has a reason and if you let go of the anger, the solution will be even better than you could ever imagine! Peace and Love Jordan!
PatrickLA said,
BTW, I am going to watch Nights in Rodanthe because of you. I overlooked it when it came out because it seemed like a chic-flick, but since you are a cool chic, I’m gonna see it! I spent 3 years in NC, and grew up in Miami and Mobile, ALA. I liked the South but now live in CA.
Matt said,
Hi Jordan,
I really enjoyed reading about your brother and I’m very happy that you reunited after 17 years.That’s a very long time.As I mentioned to I have a cousin that is gay actually two of my cousins that are gay.
The one is my age 45 and I had seen him this past August he came out to visit the family here in Virgina.It was my first time seeing him since 1983 when my family took a trip to New Orleans we then went to visit his family in Lafayette Louisiana.He’s a really cool guy by the way and you would never know he’s gay he’s pretty open about it which in itself is pretty cool to me.I’ve known for years that he was gay and I did reveal to him my love of Transsexuals.
My other cousin I got acquainted with him when I relocated from Los Angeles back to Virginia.He is a younger lad he got a degree from Tulane and is currently living in the French Quarter in New Orleans.I always heard about his feminine behavior with him it’s totally obvious.That being said he’s a good guy too he’s young with a lot of positive energy and he is a lot of fun to be around and for that I’m very happy he is related to me.
Jordan,what can say I’ve spoken to you a few times and it’s like I’ve known you all my life.I feel I can tell you anything.
Add A Comment